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Mar 11 2015

HRT Update: March 11, 2015

Quick unedited post because I don’t have time for much else unfortunately. 🙁

It’s amazing how much can change so quickly.

At this point I’ve been on Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) for two weeks, and two days. First. Some numbers.

Current Dosages:

  • Estradiol: 2mg 2x per day. 4mg total.
  • Spironolactone: 5o mg 2x per day. 100mg total.

Hormone Table of Fun!

Hormone Baseline Value Target Value Current Value
Testosterone 616 ng/dL 42.5 Unknown
Estradiol 23.8 pg/mL 215 Unknown

Next Medical Appointment for Hormone Level Testing: March 24, 2015.

What change could have possibly happened in two weeks? Quite a bit actually. Even after the first couple of hours of being on hormones I looked at myself in the mirror, and was able to smile. At first, I thought I was just having a placebo effect. I thought that because I thought I was on hormones I was acting differently. I thought that I liked the idea of being a woman finally so much that I was finally starting to be happy. Then this happened:

Many thought it was some kind of PMS. I had no signs of illness. I had no signs of being sick yet I was sick. Also I noticed my emotions were starting to change.

My anger, which was a huge problem for me in the past, was now evaporating. Things that would make me angry didn’t anymore. For years I was such an angry person that I would get angry with something or someone every single day. I would bottle it and hide it. It would eventually explode out from me in a wave of stress or frantic need to get something done or even throwing something (like my phone) across a room. Those feelings are all but gone.

Happiness is something I struggled with keeping. Sure, I could be happy. I had a happy thought I would smile and then the emotion, and my smile would fade off into the distance. My laugh would happen then go away. I’m finding myself being able to get, and stay, happy. No longer do I have to think myself happy. I just am happy.

I still have my moments of depression and dysphoria, but they aren’t nearly as painful. I am starting to think and see myself more as a woman every day.

However, even up until last Friday (the 6th) I thought it was all Placebo Effect. But then, physical changes started rolling in. On Friday my husband noticed the first one. I honestly didn’t even notice myself until the day after. My nipples… are no longer flat. I used to be able to press them flat against my chest…. Not anymore. Other then my husband nobody would have ever noticed until I go swimming (which I now don’t intend to do publicly for a while) but they look different. At this point, the physical effects became undeniable. Hormones were having their effect on my body.

Today I noticed my acne is much much worse that it has been even a week ago. That is one of those unintended consequences. Acne will get much worse in the short term as so much changes within my body. Over time my body will adjust to the new hormones and my acne will start to go away.

My second puberty has begun… It’s already been quite exciting! Now that change has begun for real. Thank you all for being so supportive of me. There were many large steps to get here, and many large steps to go but I’m starting to get to where I need to be.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be long before I can rule the world inside my mind.

About the author

Josie

I’ve never been good at writing about myself. I’ve never been good at ‘talking up my strengths’ but at least I should try…

I am a 30 year old (gasp), woman. To me, it is just that simple. My life is slowly coming together into a form where I can be proud to call it my life.

Who am I? I’m a strong, loving woman that was assigned male at birth and is finally correcting that egregious error by biology. For most women if they have an urge like wearing a sundress, they just do it. For my first 29 years on this planet, that wasn’t a possibility.

I write to heal, then publish to inform. I hope my journey can make the journeys of people that come after me just a little less painful.

I also have a ‘day job’ as a Data Center Technician. I do an incredibly physical job lifting fixing and moving servers. I daily, walk into and then maintain ‘the cloud.’ Servers are still quite a bit larger and heavier than your desktop at home. So much so that I am the only woman on my team of 20 and one of 5 in the entire building of about 75. Technology is without a doubt a male dominated industry. Which makes me quite sad.

I wish I could better express who I am. I don’t feel like I’ve done justice to my history, my life, and my story, but for now, this will have to do. To me the most beautiful thing in the world is understanding and empathy. If we can have only one thing for each other person on this planet, I choose empathy.

4 comments

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  1. Dorothy Browning

    Feeling confident for you that the noticeable “good” changes will outweigh some of the “not-so-noticeable-but-still-uncomfortable” changes. Thanks for sharing. Love you.
    Grandma Browning

  2. Dorothy Browning

    Feeling confident for you that the noticeable “good” changes will outweigh some of the “not-so-noticeable-but-still-uncomfortable” changes. Thanks for sharing. Love you.
    Grandma Browning

  3. Stacia

    How exciting! I especially like the part about how you are feeling deep true happiness, not fleeting moments.

  4. Stacia

    How exciting! I especially like the part about how you are feeling deep true happiness, not fleeting moments.

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