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Apr 03 2015

It’s Happening…

Not edited AT ALL… Too excited to edit.

I know it hasn’t been any time at all since my last HRT update just a few days in fact, but it’s happening. It’s really happening. It’s 10am and I’m sitting here with a glass of wine (DON’T JUDGE ME!!! Remember I’m night shift so it’s 10pm for me) and starting to think about bed. But I’m so excited about something I just had to share and bubble. <3

Just to give a recap of the transition so far:

  • It’s been probably about a year and a half since I said to myself “I might be trans.”
  • It’s been about 7 months since I accepted that I was a Transgender Person.
  • It’s been a little less than 6 months since I came out to my husband
    • He started calling me “she” immediately.
  • It’s been a little over 4 months since I came out to Friends and Family
    • Most of them very quickly started using she/her or avoiding gendered words.
  • It’s been a little less than 4 months since I started growing my hair out
    • Part of this is also getting it professionally styled (but always gender neutral ways)
  • It’s been a little more than 2 months since I came out at work.
  • It’s been about 2 months since I started wearing lip makeup.
  • It’s been a little less than two months since I had to start wearing bobby pins and barrettes to keep the hair out of my eyes.
  • It’s been just over a month since I started Hormone Replacement Therapy
  • It’s been about a month since I was first referred to as “she” in person by an acquaintance.
    • He did know I was transitioning, and looked very embarrassed.
    • He’s avoided gender words ever since.
  • It’s been a little over two weeks since I was first gendered as a woman by someone who didn’t know me at all.
    • It has happened a couple of times since then
    • It has only happened when I’ve been around other women with no men present.
    • It has also never happened once someone saw my face.
    • It never happened if they had already heard my voice.
    • Once they: saw my face, saw my neck, or heard my voice, they looked embarrassed and/or apologized.
  • It’s been a little less than two weeks since I was first referred to as “she” in a work e-mail.
    • I’m still usually referred to as he/him at work still, except for people that work with me every day.
  • 24 hours ago I got my first real woman’s hair style…

Things that haven’t been part of the transition yet:

  • I still have and shave facial hair every day…
  • I am still wearing men’s clothing.
  • I am not wearing any other makeup.
  • I have not attempted to change my voice (but some say it has slightly)
  • My Adam’s apple is plainly obvious
  • I haven’t really changed in body shape yet.

Then, It happened…

Today, I went to the local UPS  to pick up a package. Getting packages and deliveries as night-shift is a nightmare. It’s easier just to have it delivered to the distribution center and pick it up after work. I went alone. The woman behind the counter took a look at me made eye contact with me and asked me a very simple question.

Are you here to pick up a package, miss?

My jaw hit the floor. She saw my face… and still called me “miss.” I paused for a moment and said “ye… yes I am.” She instructed me to write my name on a clipboard and sit in a nearby room. I waited a couple of minutes… “Miss, what’s your address?” “…” I paused she couldn’t be talking to me. I looked up. She was looking straight at me. “What’s your address miss?” HOLY SHIT! She heard my voice and is still calling me miss! I walked up quickly, very embarrassed, and gave my address. It was not an empty room and everyone looked at me like “that’s a guy isn’t it?” She looked at the name I wrote which was the same name as on the package: “Jo.” Then she went to get my package (it was wine) and she asked for my ID… I handed over my driver’s licence waiting for her reaction… Of course I would be blown for sure… She looks at the license and sees:

Joseph (Last Name) DOB:11/17/1985

She didn’t appear to look shocked or amazed in anyway. “You can use the cart to take it out to your car if you wish.” I asked how heavy it was and she said “you should use the cart.” Now given that I am really small and not very muscular… She didn’t say miss again after seeing my ID. I expected that. Bah.

So I took the package out to my car and brought back in the cart. I saw her again as I brought the cart back in. I said “That was quite heavy, thanks for the advice.” She looked up at me, smiled, and said “No problem miss, have a nice day.” My jaw hit the floor again… I managed to stammer “Th-Thank you!”

When I turned on the car, there was a particular song on the satellite radio. 80s on 8 Channel… It perfectly described how I felt… It’s been in my head ever since.

About the author

Josie

I’ve never been good at writing about myself. I’ve never been good at ‘talking up my strengths’ but at least I should try…

I am a 30 year old (gasp), woman. To me, it is just that simple. My life is slowly coming together into a form where I can be proud to call it my life.

Who am I? I’m a strong, loving woman that was assigned male at birth and is finally correcting that egregious error by biology. For most women if they have an urge like wearing a sundress, they just do it. For my first 29 years on this planet, that wasn’t a possibility.

I write to heal, then publish to inform. I hope my journey can make the journeys of people that come after me just a little less painful.

I also have a ‘day job’ as a Data Center Technician. I do an incredibly physical job lifting fixing and moving servers. I daily, walk into and then maintain ‘the cloud.’ Servers are still quite a bit larger and heavier than your desktop at home. So much so that I am the only woman on my team of 20 and one of 5 in the entire building of about 75. Technology is without a doubt a male dominated industry. Which makes me quite sad.

I wish I could better express who I am. I don’t feel like I’ve done justice to my history, my life, and my story, but for now, this will have to do. To me the most beautiful thing in the world is understanding and empathy. If we can have only one thing for each other person on this planet, I choose empathy.

3 comments

  1. Dorothy Browning

    Great post! A song that came to my mind is “Day by Day” and day by day it WILL happen.
    Love you.
    Grandma Browning

  2. Linda Irvin

    Great post. Most of us cis-genders do not realize in any way all those little things and situations that you have no choice but to have to grow through, and we really all need to be aware. But now how great it is that your seeing changes in how people react to you, people who see you as a woman when they look at you. Each month, as you continue with your HRT, you will see these things all the time. Think of how cool that will be. Please keep us posted!!

  3. Susie Hayes

    This made me smile Miss Jo!

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